South Bound

June 29th 2011,  Anchorage Airport 11:30pm
The Sockeye Red IPA hit smooth and quick at gate B5.  It's 11:33pm and you would think the reds just started running on the Tarmac judging by all of the cheap fedoras and Flyfishing vests. The little old lady next to me has waaaaaay too much of the musk deer going on in her custom gucci fufu juice.... I think I'll move.   Have you ever noticed how disorganized we become when traveling? I can't find my boarding pass that I wrapped around my ID and it's in my left hand.... Wtf? These moments in transit bring my life to a grinding awkward slow down that can only be cured with sleep or an iPad.  But even then, the iPad gives me way too many choices.  Do I blog or game.... Social network or update my web site... Surf the app store or google news it? What ever happened to the days of reading a book or talking to the old man next to me? Sometimes I wish the batteries would just die.... Oh crap, 15% left on my iPad... Better save my entertainment factor. 

20f. That's my seat. But wait.... The stewardess just told me to pick any seat..... Hmmmm leg room sounds nice.  I think I'll kick it behind 1st class.  It   sure beats the middle seat 13 rows back behind with the screaming baby.
My jaw does the dance every 10 seconds or so, to level out the pressure between my ear drums. Bear mountain all of a sudden looks minute in comparison to the Alaskan range to the north.  Soon enough the clouds look like cotton balls in a big bowl of water and the earth disappears from sight. Before I know it, all that I know leaves me except for the love that I hold for my beautiful homeland.

What do you do when it's 5 minutes into the flight and it's time to pee? Hold it.  The undercarriage just retracted and it made me have to take a little break from anything and everything. My ears sound like a popcorn machine. 30,000 feet is a breeze for mr redenbocker. A foot away from me they are indulging in crab cakes and pasta with wine or beer.  Here, In business class, they are teasing me with almonds and tonic water, all for a charge... With a 3.00$ surcharge... WTF? "take my first born why don't ya?!"    
At least they don't charge me for wearing underwear.... I think I'll be using the full extent of my call button. Wait... Perhaps I will release these SBD's ( silent but deadly's) to the unexpected people around me.  TSA will either bag me or join me.

Seattle airport seems like it lost it's luster a bit. The babbling water fountains quit babbling and the aroma of coffee no longer lingers. This next flight is full. I feel like a salmon packed in a sardine can.  Surrounded on all sides by people, all I have is my gas to expell the onslaught of my personal spacial bubble. The thermostat is broken on this ride, serving stale and recycled air.

6/30/11      Denver Airspace 10:35am
Landing in Denver was a bit hectic. I had 10 minutes to run from gate B7 to B57.  I was feeling rather hopeless when I noticed a little lady with a cane was standing faster than I was walking.... Oh that's right! The lower 48 has those horizontal-aters that makes airport walking a breeze! I hurdled the rail and off I went. I did notice that it's not a good idea to text and walk on one of those things.... When I reached the end I about ate it. So I made my flight in the nick of time only to realize that I had left my iPad on the check in counter! Arg! Lucky for me the lady working it was already on her way to the Tarmac to bring me my beloved little tablet. 2 more hours of flying left, and I will be landing in Little Rock Arkansas. I think I'll sleep.


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